For Madelynn on her 6th Birthday

My Dearest Madelynn,
Oh how I cannot believe that you are six!  I swear it was just yesterday that we welcomed you earthside and you began teaching us how to be parents.  I can still clearly remember your soft baby skin, your warm baby smell, your tiny baby fingers and toes, and your ability to turn my heart to mush with your baby smile.  You started school this past Fall and now you're all long legs and boisterous energy, and you you still have the power to melt my heart with a smile - simply just by being you.

I sit in awe every day of this amazing little girl that you are, and are becoming.  You are incredibly intelligent and I am so proud of how you are loving school, and how quickly you have learned to read.  I am thankful that you inherited my love for reading, as books can take you anywhere that you want to go - and you don't even have to get out of your pajamas!  You have the funniest, wittiest sense of humor and I love to laugh with you.  It makes my day.  Your creativity and imagination are limitless, developing this beautiful artistic part of you that I cannot wait to watch as you grow.  You have the most amazing relationship with God and connection to spirituality, so much so that I often think that you are an angel - that you have one foot here on earth and the other in heaven. You are so kind and nurturing - so willing to help others, so patient with your baby sister, and so desiring to shine your light for the whole world to see.  I am in awe of your grace and your beauty, inside and out.

I have to admit that sometimes I struggle as your mother.  You are so sensitive and so wise beyond your years that I forget that you are still a little girl.  I love how I can still help you feel safe and grounded - how you can climb into my lap and I can hold you tight ,and for a few minutes everything else in the world disappears.  My unconditional, undying love is all you really need to feel supported and understood.  I honestly pray that it is this way when you are 16 or 26 or 36 or 46 - that you can come to me from wherever you are, I can hold you and stroke your hair when life feels too hard for you.  I know that you will be able to handle anything that comes your way, but I do want you to know that I am always, always here - that no matter where you are or where I am you will always have a home.

Oh Miss Maddie, it is so hard as a mother to watch your babies grow up!  It's so hard and yet it is so wonderful because I am so certain that God has amazing plans for you.  While I may always miss the days when I could snuggle every square inch of your tiny 8 lb body against my chest and watch you breathe as you slept, I know that each new stage has its beauty and I cannot wait to see what is next for you.   

I love you so much Madelynn Hollis - forever and always no matter what!  Happy birthday precious girl!  May God bless you this year and in the many years to come.
Love,
Mommy

Fall-Fabulous Eats!

So after my INTENSE last post, I thought I should probably lighten things up a bit and talk food.  My family loves food, especially desserts!  As I've mentioned before, Madelynn and I have been experimenting with cooking and baking.  Our favorite thing to bake is cupcakes and we are always searching for new recipes to finesse and make our own.  I absolutely love spending time with her in the kitchen!  Those are memories that I will cherish forever and I hope she does as well.

Last Friday, we decided to bring a little Fall into our kitchen and try out a recipe I found on Pinterest for Pumpkin Cupcakes with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Icing.  We played with the ingredients a bit to make it our own and Oooooh are they fabulous!  They were a hit at our small group meeting and they are quickly disappearing here at home.  Here's our recipe:

Cake:
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 sticks unsalted butter softened
1 cup white granulated sugar
1 cup light brown sugar
4 eggs
1 cup milk
1 1/2ish cups pumpkin puree

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line muffin pans with cupcake liners (for ours we used super cute Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin liners that I found at Michael's craft store).  Combine all dry ingredients (including spices) in a medium bowl and set aside.  Cream together butter and both sugars.  Add eggs one at a time.  Gradually add dry ingredients and milk (I add a little dry, little milk, little dry, etc. until both were gone).  Mix with hand mixer on medium speed until well incorporated.  Add in pumpkin and mix until smooth.  Fill liners 2/3 full and bake for about 18 minutes until toothpick inserted in the center of one cupcake comes out clean.  Allow to cool in pan 5 minutes then move to wire cooling rack to cool completely.

Icing:
1 1/2 sticks butter softened
8 oz cream cheese softened
4 cups confectioner's sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon

Beat butter and cream cheese together until well incorporated.  Gradually add in sugar.  Mix in vanilla and cinnamon.  Beat until smooth and creamy.  Ice cupcakes.  This icing pipes really well.  Because I have not invested in fancy piping bags and such, I just fill a gallon size plastic storage bag, snip a bit off one of the bottom corners, and pipe the icing onto the cupcakes with that.  I think it still comes out pretty!

After we piped on the icing we added on cute jack-o-lantern decorative picks that we found at Wal-Mart.  Voila!  Fabulous pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon cream cheese icing!  I love how you can see the flecks of cinnamon in the icing.  The cake was very moist and tasted like lighter, slightly sweeter pumpkin bread and the icing was just sweet enough, with a subtle cinnamon taste.  If you are a cinnamon lover, you could probably add a bit more to the icing without overpowering the cake.  This recipes makes around 30 cupcakes. 

Bon appetite and happy Fall, with love from our kitchen to yours,
Madelynn & Erin

Where did the last year go?

I know.  I'm a day late with this post.  Seems like I'm always late for everything these days.  My precious Isabella turned one yesterday and I sit here, a little sad that the year went by so fast as well as happy and proud that we survived the first year and can move on to the next part of life in our little family.  It is such a crazy thing to feel such conflicting emotions all at the same time.  Since Isabella is our last baby (unless some miraculous act of God occurs), I am grieving never having an infant again - those newborn sounds and smells and cuddles - but then I am relieved that it won't be long before the bottles, the diapers, the teething will be a thing of the past.

The Hubs and I were talking about the last year, wondering how in the world it could have gone by so fast, but as we discussed all that transpired, it made a little more sense.  Where did the last year go?  Well..........

• A little more than a week before Isabella was born, the Hubs developed a kidney stone that became lodged and darn near caused his one kidney (he was only born with one) to fail.  He was in the hospital for several days and ended up with surgery to remove the stone.
• At this same time, my maternal grandfather, Poppi, who lives here in SC, had open-heart surgery, and then the arduous recovery process that came along with it.
• Just three days after the Hubs' stint was removed, Isabella arrived and we were on that joyous, yet exhausting, adventure of the 4th trimester - learning our new baby and adjusting to being a family of four, which wasn't real easy for Madelynn, or the rest of us at times.
• When Isabella was  two-ish weeks old, my mom's side of the family came in for a family reunion for the 4th of July.  It was chaos at its best, but we had fun.
• That Fall Madelynn decided to cheer lead for the local youth organization, which led to practices and games 2 to 3 nights a week.
• Also that Fall, in September, the Hubs' youngest sister got married.  Madelynn was the flower girl and I was a bridesmaid....or matron......whatever I might've been called lol!
• That October, the Hubs' great grandmother passed away.  Granny Cooper was an amazing woman, strong and loving and a powerful figure in the family.  Isabella was named after her.
• Of course then you have all of the Fall and Winter excitement and holidays: Halloween, Fall festivals, Clemson football (GO TIGERS!!!!), Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
• Around mid-December was when Isabella began getting sick and proceeded to spend the next several months with one illness or another.  In February, she was hospitalized in the PICU for a few days, which was one of the scariest times of my life.
• Madelynn's 5th birthday was in early March and of course we had a fabulous Barbie extravaganza!
• As Spring began to arrive, my paternal grandfather unexpectedly passed away in mid/late March.  He had only begun to fight the cancer that had taken over much of his body.  So, the Hubs and I packed up the girls and hopped a plane to KC for a few days to be with the family and participate in the funeral.  Honestly, I still have days that I can't believe he is gone.  I half expect him to answer the phone when I call my Grammy.
• As the weather got warmer, we had more and more playdates with our new "mommy and me" group, which has kept us busy and running in all directions.  Madelynn loves the time with other kids and I love the time with other mommies.
• In April we began attending NewSpring Church which has kept my heart and mind full and busy.
• In May we took our family "vacation" to Myrtle Beach - boy was that fun (insert eye roll and dripping sarcasm)!  It was totally our fault - we chose a terrible week to go (college week and bike week) and we let Madelynn sort of drive us instead of insisting on periods of rest and such.  It was chaos and we had two very tired and very irritable girls on our hands by the end of the week.

And so here we are, back in June, with a boatload of events under our belts.  When I think about how fast the last year went and reflect on all of these things, it is no small wonder that it flew right by!  I am thankful for each and every joyful moment and life lesson, and I am reminded to stop and smell the roses a little bit, as we all know that that can be a challenge for me.

Happy 1st Birthday my precious Isabella!  Mommy loves you to the moon and back a bazillion times!

5?!?! Really?!?!?!

Today my big girl turns 5.  Really?!?!?!  I can hardly believe it!!!  I will annoy myself today by reminding myself to "savor these moments" because it really does go by fast. 

I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was the morning of March 8th, 2007, a Thursday, and I was 5 days past my "guess date".  I went that morning for an OB appointment with my midwife and, as expected, I got the induction talk.  Desperately wanting a natural birth and to avoid an induction (yup I am one of "those women"), I gave the OK for a cervix check.  Upon hearing that I was already 4cm dilated, I agreed let my midwife sweep my membranes a bit.  I figured it was better that than all of the more invasive interventions that may come if I did not go into labor on my own by Monday.  After that fun, I went on to work.  I knew that if I went home "to rest" I would just dwell on what was to come and would make myself anxious and irritable (well, more irritable than most 40+ weeks pregnant woman is typically). 

I spent the day tying up loose ends, preparing for maternity leave, and it was all in all uneventful.........................that is until about 4:00PM.  I was sitting in a meeting when a contraction hit.  I had had plenty of BH contractions, but this one was completely different.  It took me a little off guard.  Not wanting to alarm my colleagues, I calmly finished out the meeting and headed for my office.  By 4:30 I had had a couple more of these contractions and so I decided to head home.  On the way home I called my hubby and my mom to let them know what was up.  I had several more contractions on the way home, a few making me rethink my decision to drive myself home.  My hypnobirthing training was kicking in, however.  I was sort of living in denial that this was the real thing and I was really relaxed and calm.  I honestly hardly remember the drive home lol! 

So, I arrived home, the Hub meeting me in the drive, and decided to hop in the tub to see if the warm water would make the contractions go away.  On the contrary, they intensified!  I won't bore you with all of the details, but at some point, the Hub decided it was time to go to the hospital.  We called mom and the midwife on the way.  That 30 minute car ride was so incredibly intense - the contractions coupled with the bumps in the road were shaking my focus a bit and I was beginning to truly feel......dare I say it.........the dreaded "P" word.  (Those of us who are into hypnobirthing pretty much remove the word "pain" from our vocabulary.)  As we were nearing the hospital, I began to feel an urge to bear down. 

The Hubs and I walked together up to the L&D floor at about 7:00is pm where I was determined to be in labor (duh!) and at about 7ish cms dilated.  Woohoo!  At 8:14 pm Madelynn was gently brought earth side - right into her daddy's hands.  Yup, you heard it right: first baby - a little over 4 hour labor.  It was the most amazingly empowering experience of my life and I was immediately in love.

Today Madelynn is an incredibly smart, energetic, hilarious, and beautiful 5 year old.  She challenges me in ways I never knew possible and and brings me joy that I never knew existed.  I'll say again: I never knew love until I met that little girl.

So............happy birthday Madelynn!  Mommy and Daddy love you more than words could attempt to express! 

Introducing........

Before, I go any further, I need to introduce two very special little people, especially because they will probably be a big part of this blog.  They are my world, my everything, and knowing them has changed me in ways I never knew were possible.

All rise for the Royal Highnesses: Princess Madelynn and Princess Isabella!

This photo was taken in November 2011: Madelynn age 4 and Isabella 5 months.

Obviously, these two precious little girls are my daughters and while they challenge me in every way, they bring so much joy to my life.  Let me tell you a little bit about them.  I will try to be brief, but like most moms, when I get started talking about my kids, I can go on and on.

Madelynn will be 5 in March.  I call her my little miracle.  I found out I was pregnant with her on my 29th birthday, just when I had almost given up hope of conceiving a child on my own.  We had been trying for a few years, off and on, with a couple of breaks to regroup, especially after a devastating loss in January 2004.  As a matter of fact, the Hubs and I were vacationing at one of our favorite places, Seabrook Island, and had spent the morning, first on an early morning beach horseback ride, then on a beach stroll discussing our options - our next steps - for having a child, on the day I got a positive home pregnancy test.  Needless to say, I was shocked when I saw those two pink lines and I proceeded to take countless more tests over the next several days, just to be sure it wasn't a dream.

Nine-ish months later, after a 4ish hour all-natural labor, Madelynn arrived.  I never knew such love, such strength, such exhilaration, such agony until that day.  Birth was an amazing experience for me - one I might talk more about later - one that showed me how much power I really have as a woman.

Madelynn was a challenging baby from pretty much day 1.  She had "colic" - she cried pretty much 24/7 for 3+ months, she didn't sleep, she constantly needed to be held, and pretty much any new situation or person or stimuli in general completely freaked her out.  Caring for her as an infant showed me again how much strength I truly possess.

To keep it brief, we will fast forward a few years.  We have had some easier roads with Madelynn.  She spoke her first word ("look") and then words and then sentences very early.  She walked right at 12 months.  She learned baby sign language at 12-ish months.  She very easily learned to potty on the big girl potty at 2.  She knew her shapes, colors, ABCs, numbers (in English and Spanish), and more before age 2.  At 3 she began writing letters, including her name.  At 4 she is beginning to read and writing more and more sight words.  I could go on and on about how incredibly smart and talented she is, as well as how caring, courageous, strong, and hilarious!  

Because of the issues Madelynn had as a baby, as well as continued difficulty with sleep, agitation, hypersensitivity, difficulty controlling herself, and high energy, the Hubs and I decided to take her to a doctor and psychologist for some testing this past Fall.  Long story short, Madelynn received a "diagnosis" of being extremely intelligent/gifted (*surprise surprise*) and of ADHD.  After my own exploration, I have decided that while she may in fact have ADHD, I believe she really has a Sensory Integration Disorder - which, by the way, is not a "real" diagnosis just yet and seems to be quite controversial in the medical world (which I don't usually fit into - will probably post more on that at some other time).  Because of this, we likely have a long road ahead of us with school and such, but I am prepared to support her and advocate for her any way I am able.

On to Miss Isabella, who was born in June 2011.  (I must note that the Hubs and I find it fascinating that Madelynn was born exactly a week before his birthday and Isabella was born exactly a week before mine!)  When the Hubs and I decided to start trying for another baby, we really didn't expect to be blessed with another one, after all of the difficulties we had before conceiving Madelynn.  At the very least, we expected it to take a long time.  We took the "if it happens, it happens" attitude and stopped birth control in the beginning of September 2010.  I saw those miraculous two pink lines again on October 2, 2010!  Again I was shocked beyond belief.



My belly - April 2011 (photo taken by Mandy Clyburn)

Today Isabella is 7 1/2 months old, she is doing the typical 7 1/2 month old things like starting to sit up on her own, and her little personality is beginning to blossom.  She is pretty much the polar opposite of her sister: laid back (though watch out if she is hungry or tired or not getting her way) and kind of lazy.  Where Madelynn has blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, Isabella has dark hair - almost black - and brownish-greenish-goldish eyes.  Like her big sister, however, Isabella is hilarious and beautiful, and she has the power to melt her mommy and daddy's hearts with her big smile and bright eyes! 

I never knew love until I knew these two little girls.

Well, I guess that is enough for now.  This is longer than I wanted it to be, but it is impossible to really abbreviate a description of the most precious gifts one could ever receive.

I close with another quote, authour unknown, until we meet again:

"No One Else Will Ever Know The Strength Of My Love For You After All, You're The Only One Who Knows What My Heart Sounds Like From The Inside."
(((HUGS))))