You mean you used NO DRUGS for childbirth?!?!?

I get this stunned question all of the time when I tell people about my birth stories. Many people are shocked to find that anyone would choose to go all natural in today's "modern" society. Feeling inspired by my oldest daughter's upcoming 6th (yes, 6th gasp) birthday, my sister's pregnancy, and a friend sharing her birth story on Facebook, I thought I would blog about both of mine.

Madelynn was born on March 8^th 2007 at 8:14 PM, weighing 7 lbs, 13 oz, and almost 21" long. I had done a lot of research and I had decided to use Hypnobirthing for comfort during labor. There were several reasons for this choice: 1.) I really wanted to have a natural birth (I was very educated on the waterfall effect and dangers of interventions) and I knew I would need something more than funny breathing techniques to get me through it; 2.) I knew that some women have difficulty with flashbacks to past sexual and physical trauma in birth and I wanted to try to avoid that if possible; 3.) As a therapist, I knew about the power of relaxation and visualization so I figured it was definitely worth a shot in trying to use it during birth. I started the class in early November when I was about 24 weeks pregnant and from that time on, I was practicing what I learned. I would sit on my exercise (birth) ball every evening while watching Friends reruns and I also frequently listened to the birth affirmations and “Rainbow Relaxation” CD. I will admit that I did not listen to the CD every day and there were even a few weeks where I maybe only listened to it once or twice. I did, however, keep my favorite affirmation (“My body was made to birth. It does it easily and well.”) posted on my bathroom mirror so that I could see it and say it out loud every day. In addition, I bought Steve Halpern’s "Effortless Relaxation" CD and I would often fall asleep at night listening to it and visualizing my “perfect” birth.

I had an appointment with my midwife (I had chosen a team of midwives that deliver in the hospital - I wasn't quite brave enough then to do the homebirth thing) on March 8^th . I was 41ish weeks pregnant and was getting a bit anxious. I wasn’t worried or fearful of birth, but I knew that my providers would start talking interventions if things didn’t happen soon. My appointment went well, but as I suspected, my providers mentioned that if I did not have the baby by Monday, I would need to return to the office for an NST and a BPP. If I did not have her by the following Friday, we would need to consider induction. Like I said, I was not fearful of birth at all, but WAS afraid of being induced. I knew that it often led to other interventions that I really wanted to avoid. I asked my provider to check my cervix to see if anything was happening. I had been having occasional contractions but nothing regular or even really noticeable. To my excitement, I was 4 cm and about 80% effaced! I finally agreed to let my provider sweep my membranes, thinking that this was a much more minor intervention than others that could come in the very near future. I decided to go on to work that day. I knew that if I went home I would just sit around questioning every sensation and I wanted to work as long as I could in order to save my "paid time off" for after the baby arrived.

I had some cramping throughout the day, but nothing major or real regular………until about 3:30 PM. I was in a meeting when, what I call a “real contraction", happened. I wouldn’t really call it painful, just sort of uncomfortable, and I felt a strong sense of pressure. (Keep in mind that when we did the "fear release" exercise in HypnoBirthing class, not only did I work with releasing any fears I had, but I claimed that I wanted my labor sensations to feel like pressure and for my labor to last 6 hours or less.) I decided to wait out the meeting, through which I had a couple more of these “real contractions”. I didn’t want to alarm my colleagues and I wasn’t in pain, so I thought that waiting it out was best. I returned to my office and sat at my desk at a little after 4:00 PM. I continued to have “real contractions”, and I decided to leave at about 4:30 PM. During my commute home I had several more contractions about 3 or 4 minutes apart. The pressure was getting more and more intense and I occasionally had to breathe through it. I thought about pulling over a time or two and even calling my husband to meet me and pick me up (thinking it probably wasn’t wise for me to drive while breathing through contractions lol). I think I still was kind of in denial that this was really happening. I thought I would go home, get in my bathtub, and it would go away. (I call this healthy denial lol!) I called both my husband and my mom to let them know that I was probably in labor and that I was heading home. I made it home (I don’t really remember some of the drive) and my husband met me in the garage. I told him how far apart my contractions were coming and that I wanted to go in and get in the tub. I called my midwife and she listened as I experienced a few contractions. Since I was managing them so well, she encouraged me to relax and eat a bite and call her in about an hour (or sooner if need be). I got my "Rainbow Relaxation" CD and got into the tub. That is when things really started moving along. Within minutes of my being in the tub, I started having an interesting contraction pattern. Every minute and a half, I would have a longer contraction that started off gradually, peaked, and then went away like the textbook contractions you hear about in standard childbirth classes. However, about 30 seconds after that, I would have a shorter contraction that started off very intense, at peak, and then went away as quickly as it began. Time distortion really started kicking in at that point, so I am not real sure how long I actually stayed in the tub. My husband called my midwife back to let her know about this pattern. Because I had not eaten, nor had I had much to drink recently, she advised me to get out of the tub, eat a bite and drink some water, and see what happened. I got out of the tub and put on some clothes, stopping to kind of sway back and forth and breathe during contractions. I attempted to eat but that pattern continued on and the short, intense contractions were getting more and more intense (still felt like pressure, but more intense). My husband noticed some sort of change in me in the way I was going inside of myself and focusing on my breath and he made the decision for us to go to the hospital. He called my midwife and my mom to let them know to meet us there.

Managing my contractions was more difficult in the car. I felt over stimulated by the combination of contractions and the motion of the car. When we were about a mile from the hospital, I started feeling the urge to "push" when the shorter, intense contractions came. My husband hurriedly drove to the hospital, parked, and walked me to L&D. (We arrived at exactly 7:00 PM so really not much time had passed since I started having contractions in my meeting.) I met a nurse that I know well in the hall and told her that I was feeling the urge to push. Nurses started scurrying around in every direction. There was not a triage room ready so they had me change clothes in one room while they readied another. When I got into a triage bed, they hooked me up to the monitor and checked my cervix. I was a little more than 7 cm and almost completely effaced. They started my IV (I was GBS positive so despite the fact that I didn't want an IV I didn't have much choice) as they ran through a gamut of questions (which completely annoyed me as I was working so hard to stay inside myself and relaxed). I am not sure how long I was in triage when they wheeled me on over to my L&D room (where my mom was already waiting). I remember waiting for a contraction to pass before my husband and my mom helped me climb into my L&D bed. At that point I really felt an urge to push and my nurse checked my cervix to find that I just had a tiny bit of it left. She encouraged me to relax and go with what my body was telling me to do. A few minutes later, my midwife arrived. She noticed that I was sort of bearing down (trying to do "birth breathing"). I was still having the longer then shorter contraction pattern and my body was telling me to “push” during the short contractions (which actually felt kind of good) and gently nudge with downward breaths during the longer ones (which I continued to follow even though everyone was doing the stereotypical “push cheer” at me). I was focusing so hard on my baby and my body that much of what else that was happening around me at the time is very unclear. I do remember the intense burning sensation when my baby was crowning and I think I still had some fear left about tearing because I remember not wanting to push or even do any birth breathing at that time. I asked for a mirror to be able to see my baby crowning which helped me to release that fear. At some point my midwife suggested that she break my water. I was so inside myself that I vaguely remember just nodding my head. I just wanted it all to be over. I remember my midwife saying that there was meconium, and they called for the NICU, which scared me, but also motivated me again to focus on my baby and finish bringing her into the world. My mom said later that she was amazed at how I was confident in my body and allowing it to do its work. Very soon after that, my provider asked my husband to come over to help "catch "the baby and my mom helped me unfasten my gown so that they could place her on my chest, skin-to-skin. There was such a release of energy when she was born and was placed on my chest. I cried. My mom cried. My midwife cried. My big tough husband even cried. Everyone was hugging. It was absolutely amazing. The nurses did need to suction and inspect my baby within a few minutes of birth since there was meconium and since I had only had time to get part of one GBS treatment, but they returned her to me very quickly and we began nursing right away. She latched on very well almost immediately and took to nursing like a pro. My husband and I were given some time alone with our baby to bond as a new family. We both just sat there holding on to one another and looking into the eyes of our precious baby girl. It was so beautiful; a moment I will never ever forget!

 I stopped working to become a SAHM when Madelynn was almost 3. That next Fall, the Hubs and I decided to try for another baby, thinking it would take us awhile to become pregnant. (It had taken almost 4 years, including a miscarriage and some time off to regroup, to conceive Madelynn.) We were absolutely shocked when we became pregnant during our first cycle trying. On the morning of June 13th, 2011, I had an appointment with my midwife (the same one that had cared for me when I was pregnant with Madelynn). By my dates, this was my “due date”. I had been having contractions off and on for several days and had been having a lot of pressure but, due to some family emergencies, I had refused all cervical checks, trying to avoid prompting labor to begin. I decided to go ahead allow a cervical check at this appointment and was excited to discover that I was “a good” 4 cms and that my bag of waters was bulging a bit. I went home to alternate walking/activity with rest to prepare for my baby’s arrival. All day I had contractions that would vary from 3 minutes to 45 minutes apart. Occasionally I would have to stop and focus and do some slow breathing through them, but they really were not painful or regular and they felt different from the ones I had with my Madelynn so I didn't really expect that we would be having a baby that day. I sat outside and stuck my feet in the kiddie pool while Madelynn played and even helped the Hubs write a paper for school. At about 11:00 PM, just as hubby and I were settling into bed, things began to feel a little different. I could not get comfortable in my bed and I felt like I needed to be upright and rocking/moving when a contraction came. Isabella was not quite posterior but was a bit sideways and so I had a lot of pressure in my back. I had to really go inside myself and breathe during the contractions and I decided to get up and rock on my birth ball. While on the ball, I used imagery of my body smoothly and easily opening. The contractions were now coming between 3 and 8 minutes apart and I was making very frequent trips to the bathroom. I was wondering if my bag of waters had ruptured and was leaking because I would have very intense contractions and pressure in the bathroom and a lot of fluid would come out. I called my midwife and we decided for me to go to the hospital to see what was happening. As soon as hubby’s grandparents arrived to stay with Madelynn at about 11:45 or so, we left for the hospital. As we neared the hospital, I started having intense contractions that were only about a minute to two minutes apart and I was feeling a lot of pressure in my back and rectal area. My midwife met us in L&D at a little after 12:00 AM and took us to a room off of triage since there were no triage rooms available (funny how this was the case with my first birth as well lol). She checked my cervix, which was now about 7 cms, and did a couple of tests to determine if I was leaking water, which I was not. I walked to my L&D room, used the restroom where I had a very intense contraction with pressure, and was then told that I needed to get into the bed to be monitored. I have to say that I was not thrilled with this idea as I was having so much back and rectal pressure and was much more comfortable standing, leaning over supported, and swaying. This is where I now wish I had gone with my instincts and had Isabella at home. I finally agreed to get into the bed, though I refused to be flat or to lie on my back. I stayed semi-upright on my left side with my hubby rubbing and putting counter pressure on my back, doing light touch on my right arm, and talking quietly to me. Just minutes after I got into the bed, I could feel my body bearing down with each contraction and the contractions were coming one after another. I announced that I felt like I was pushing and nurses suddenly started hurrying in and around the room. I began following my body’s lead and bearing down with my breath almost continuously since I had no time in between contractions. I wanted to be upright and squatting, but I did not feel able to adjust my position due to the contractions coming so fast and being so intense. I still had a lot of rectal pressure, which is where I felt my baby most as I was pushing and she was crowning, and then as she was born. I did not have the burning “ring of fire” that I expected (maybe that is because I spent a lot of time releasing this fear in my hypnobirthing practice since this was a fear I had left over from Madelynn's birth). At this point I asked for a mirror so that I could see my baby come into the world and a nurse went running from the room to find one (she didn’t make it back with the mirror until Isabella was already born). It was then that I grabbed my right leg, gave a bigger push than I had been doing, and my beautiful baby girl was born. I reached down to help catch her. It was 12:47 AM. I did my best to pull blankets and clothes away so that Isabella could rest directly on my skin on my abdomen to wait for the chord to stop pulsating. She was so perfect and looked just like her big sister. Once daddy cut the chord and I got her snuggled on my chest skin to skin with warming blankets on top, we were really able to meet one another in person, and nurse a little as the placenta was delivered and I received a stitch for a small tear. Isabella weighed 7 lbs 12 oz and was 19 ½ inches long. While I will say that since my labor was so incredibly fast this time, I did not have the “serene”hypnobirth that you see on TV (though it might have been a little different had I had a home birth and/or water birth). Hypnobirthing did help me feel confident about my birth and remain relaxed and positive throughout. It also gave me the tools for breathing correctly and effectively, visualizing my body opening, and using mother-directed “pushing” to both support my baby’s birth and my body's ability to do its work. It really supported me all through that day since my body was likely working when i didn't even realize it. It was another amazing experience that has left me feeling strong and empowered!

People are often amazed at the level of detail in which I remember my birth experiences. I am often amazed myself because, at the time, I was so inside of myself that everything else seemed like a fuzzy dream. I think that this is part of the beauty of hypnobirthing. I am also still so amazed at the power of the "fear release" visualization. Not only did I have no trauma flashbacks - not even a stray thought - in either of my births, but I also felt exactly how I claimed I wanted to feel and labored for exactly the length of time (or less) than I claimed. I admit that this could very well have happened on its own, without the "fear release" exercise, but it seems an awesome coincidence.

So if you have read all of this, thanks for indulging me! If you are pregnant or planning a pregnancy at some point in the future, I hope this inspires you. I am the girl that often faints when getting blood drawn, but I was able to birth two perfect little girls without anything but the power of my own body! Blessings to all!.