A Big ASK Message

The word evangelism has always had negative connotations for me.  It conjures up images of used-car-salesman looking guys in expensive suits, smacking people on the head and begging for money; or tight-laced and judgmental religious folks pushing their beliefs on others.  It makes me think of Tammy Faye Bakker (God rest her soul) with her mascara running down her face, and door-to-door “salesmen” pushing their pamphlets and their way to heaven.  ***shiver***

Recently, through my amazing church and gifted Pastor, Perry Noble, I have come to have a new understanding and appreciation of evangelism.  Not only are we called to share our faith in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ, with others, but it is our responsibility to ASK our friends and family, to beg them, to drag them if we must, to meet Jesus.  It is not because we, as Christ followers, want to force our beliefs on others.  That’s not it at all.  It’s that we have a deep and profound love for people and we want know that our friends and family will spend eternity with us in heaven.

For me, and I am sure for most other Christians, there is another motivation.  For whatever reason, this might be a bigger motivation for me than any other.  I want the people I care about to experience the joy and peace that I have felt since I stopped running from God and I accepted Christ as my Savior.  I spent a lot of years, running, confused, searching, empty.  I spent a lot of time depressed, anxious, angry, overwhelmed, discouraged, hating myself, and hating life. 

Ever since I began a real relationship with Jesus, my life has dramatically changed.  My relationship with The Hubs is better.  I am a better mother to my amazing daughters.  I am less anxious, depressed, and afraid.  It is astounding the peace and joy that come with trusting that God has my back and knowing that He loves me no matter what I do or have done! 

Now I will be honest.  Life is not suddenly all butterflies and rainbows and people skipping happily around like deranged characters in a Broadway musical.  There is still a lot of ugliness in the world and life is still really hard.  There are still bills, and disagreements, and sleepless nights, and illnesses, and chores.  The thing is that the little things just don’t seem like big things anymore, and the big things really seem doable.  I know that God wants to bless me.  He wants greater things in and for my life.  He will never abandon me.  He has brought me through some really, really hard times to this place where I am in life today where He can use the not so good for the good.  I know how awesome I am and it is because God made me to be me and to live this life for His glory.  There really is no greater joy than that.

So, to my friends and family: I’m not going to stop praying for you or ASKing you to come to church with me.  Even if it frustrates you or makes you angry with me.  I love you and I want greater things for you!

I must give credit where credit is due and note that my big ASK title and the inspiration for this blog comes from Pastor Perry Noble and New Spring Church.  Check it out at www.newspring.cc      

Off to School!

I would be completely remiss if I did not blog about my Madelynn starting school - 5 Kindergarten - this week.  I have been putting off writing about it, thinking about it too much, because in my brain that somehow makes it more real.  It is so bittersweet.  I. SENT. MY. BABY. TO. SCHOOL!  Seriously!  I swear I just gave birth to her yesterday!  Yesterday I was just struggling with PPD and wondering if I would ever sleep again!  Yesterday I was nursing her around the clock and cuddling her while we both figured out our new lives.  Yesterday she was a beautiful little 7lb 12oz baby who was utterly and completely dependant on me.  Yesterday......

But no......my Madelynn just went off to Kindergarten - all day long - and she is so amazingly smart, and kind, and funny, and beautiful - and she absolutely loves school!  When I picked her up on the very first day she protested, saying, "Mom I don't want to leave!"

I often call my children MY children - MY Madelynn, MY Isabella - but I realize more and more each day that they really aren't MY children.  They belong to themselves and they belong to God, and my 2 greatest and most important jobs are to first give them roots and then give them wings.  That is hard for a mother (or at least a mother like me) to admit, let alone be fully comfortable with.  Everything in me wants to hold onto them tightly and never let them go.

But I watched my little girl spread her wings a bit this week - and oh are they glorious wings - full of love and light and energy and creativity!  I guess I spread my wings a little bit too because I was able to let her go with just a few - OK more than a few - tears.

    

Broken Plate

I know......I'm sorry........It has been forever since I have posted.  Things have been hectic, as life often is, and this just hasn't been a priority.  I have lots to catch you up on but first I must write about something that has been weighing on my heart and mind.  God gave me a sort of wake-up call the other day.  First a bit of background.  I have been struggling a bit, as usual, with my Type A control issues and my fighting to let go of that has stirred up a bit of anger, which is sort of a new feeling for me.  Grief, sadness, depression, hurt, anxiety I know well, but real anger has always been something I push down and don't allow myself to feel, for whatever reason.  I suppose lately it is catching up with me because nearly everything has surfaced as anger and I have caught myself "losing it" far too often.

Anyway, a few days ago I was diligently scrubbing away at some dishes when suddenly a loud crash startled me from a few feet away.  I turned to see Isabella sitting on the floor wailing with fright in the midst of about a million shards of broken ceramic.  As i carefully picked her up I immediately noticed what the now shards previously were, and I felt a sense of panic and anger knowing that one of my great-grandmother's heirloom plates was beyond repair.  The plate had been one that I received when "Nanny" had passed away and it had been very special to me.  

I tried not to think about the loss, to push my anger aside, as I examined Isabella for any sign of injury.  Seeing that she was fine, I cuddled her until she stopped crying, and then began to clean up the mess.

Madelynn, who had come running at the sound of the crash, looked at me with anxious eyes.

"Mommy, I'm sorry about your plate," she said.  She knew well about Nanny's plates.  "Are you sad?"

"Yes I am sad," I answered.  In a tense sort of quiet, she and I cleaned up what was left of the plate.

"Mommy are you mad," Madelynn asked after a minute, almost in a whisper,

I stopped what I was doing and reflected on my answer.  No, Isabella should not have been playing and pulling up on the curio, but she was not being disobedient.  After all, she is only 1 and does not know better.  By the look on Madelynn's face and the anxiety I was feeling from Isabella, I wondered how often lately I had not stopped to think and had yelled at them unnecessarily.  I felt God's gentle presence and a reminder to breathe.
  
"No baby I'm not mad," I said with a loud sigh.  "She didn't mean to do it.  Yes I am sad that my plate is broken but I'm glad baby sissy wasn't hurt."  I looked at both of my precious girls and thought about how much they mean to me.  "I want you both to know that you are more important to me than anything in this house.  You are far more important to me than that plate.  I love you both so much!"  I gave them both huge hugs and soon they both went off to play.  How different things would have been if I had started yelling and screaming at Isabella!  I would have crushed her little spirit and I would have taught Madelynn that when you make a mistake, you deserve to be yelled at and treated harshly.  If I had taught her that, I would have taught her the exact opposite of what our Father God has taught us.  Our sins against God were/are much worse than the innocent mistake that Isabella had made but instead of screaming and yelling at us, God came down and cleaned up our mess Himself!  Just as Isabella was incapable of cleaning up her mess, so are we incapable of erasing the sin from our lives.  We had taken the beautiful life that He gave us, shattered it into a million irreparable pieces, and then sat anxious and wailing in the middle of our mess.  Our gracious and merciful God lifted us out of the debris and held us close, reminding us of just how important we are to Him and how much He loves us.

There is one important difference between what God did and what I was able to do.  I wasn't able to repair my plate.  I had to sadly gather up all of the pieces and throw them away, sending up an apology to my Nanny.  God didn't throw anything away.  Instead, He took all of the tiny broken pieces and remade a new plate, more lovely than the original.  He took the mess and created something beautiful from it - something that is fabulous, even though there are cracks and blemishes, because those blemishes show where God's healing love repaired us.

I am so thankful that I am no longer a broken plate!  I might not look the same as I would if I had no sin in me or if there were no sin and ugliness in the world, but I try hard not to see my repaired places as imperfections, but as beautiful illustrations of God's amazing power to heal and restore.  God is not angry with us.  His anger disappeared when His Son Jesus died on the cross for us.  Instead of punishing us He wraps us in His loving arms and says, "You are far more important to me than the mess you have made of things and I love you."