I get this stunned question all of the time when I tell people
about my birth stories. Many people are shocked to find that anyone would
choose to go all natural in today's "modern" society. Feeling
inspired by my oldest daughter's upcoming 6th (yes, 6th gasp) birthday, my
sister's pregnancy, and a friend sharing her birth story on Facebook, I thought
I would blog about both of mine.
Madelynn was born on March 8th 2007 at 8:14 PM,
weighing 7 lbs, 13 oz, and almost 21" long. I had done a lot of research
and I had decided to use Hypnobirthing for comfort during labor. There were
several reasons for this choice: 1.) I really wanted to have a natural birth (I
was very educated on the waterfall effect and dangers of interventions) and I
knew I would need something more than funny breathing techniques to get me
through it; 2.) I knew that some women have difficulty with flashbacks to past
sexual and physical trauma in birth and I wanted to try to avoid that if
possible; 3.) As a therapist, I knew about the power of relaxation and
visualization so I figured it was definitely worth a shot in trying to use it
during birth. I started the class in early November when I was about 24 weeks
pregnant and from that time on, I was practicing what I learned. I would sit on
my exercise (birth) ball every evening while watching Friends reruns and I also
frequently listened to the birth affirmations and “Rainbow Relaxation” CD. I
will admit that I did not listen to the CD every day and there were even a few
weeks where I maybe only listened to it once or twice. I did, however, keep my
favorite affirmation (“My body was made to birth. It does it easily and well.”)
posted on my bathroom mirror so that I could see it and say it out loud every
day. In addition, I bought Steve Halpern’s "Effortless Relaxation" CD
and I would often fall asleep at night listening to it and visualizing my
“perfect” birth.
I had an appointment with my midwife (I had chosen a team
of midwives that deliver in the hospital - I wasn't quite brave enough then to
do the homebirth thing) on March 8th . I was 41ish weeks pregnant
and was getting a bit anxious. I wasn’t worried or fearful of birth, but I knew
that my providers would start talking interventions if things didn’t happen
soon. My appointment went well, but as I suspected, my providers mentioned that
if I did not have the baby by Monday, I would need to return to the office for
an NST and a BPP. If I did not have her by the following Friday, we would need
to consider induction. Like I said, I was not fearful of birth at all, but WAS
afraid of being induced. I knew that it often led to other interventions that I
really wanted to avoid. I asked my provider to check my cervix to see if
anything was happening. I had been having occasional contractions but nothing
regular or even really noticeable. To my excitement, I was 4 cm and about 80%
effaced! I finally agreed to let my provider sweep my membranes, thinking that
this was a much more minor intervention than others that could come in the very
near future. I decided to go on to work that day. I knew that if I went home I
would just sit around questioning every sensation and I wanted to work as long
as I could in order to save my "paid time off" for after the baby
arrived.
I had some cramping throughout the day, but nothing major
or real regular………until about 3:30 PM. I was in a meeting when, what I call a
“real contraction", happened. I wouldn’t really call it painful, just sort
of uncomfortable, and I felt a strong sense of pressure. (Keep in mind that
when we did the "fear release" exercise in HypnoBirthing class, not
only did I work with releasing any fears I had, but I claimed that I wanted my
labor sensations to feel like pressure and for my labor to last 6 hours or
less.) I decided to wait out the meeting, through which I had a couple more of
these “real contractions”. I didn’t want to alarm my colleagues and I wasn’t in
pain, so I thought that waiting it out was best. I returned to my office and
sat at my desk at a little after 4:00 PM. I continued to have “real
contractions”, and I decided to leave at about 4:30 PM. During my commute home
I had several more contractions about 3 or 4 minutes apart. The pressure was
getting more and more intense and I occasionally had to breathe through it. I
thought about pulling over a time or two and even calling my husband to meet me
and pick me up (thinking it probably wasn’t wise for me to drive while
breathing through contractions lol). I think I still was kind of in denial that
this was really happening. I thought I would go home, get in my bathtub, and it
would go away. (I call this healthy denial lol!) I called both my husband and
my mom to let them know that I was probably in labor and that I was heading
home. I made it home (I don’t really remember some of the drive) and my husband
met me in the garage. I told him how far apart my contractions were coming and
that I wanted to go in and get in the tub. I called my midwife and she listened
as I experienced a few contractions. Since I was managing them so well, she
encouraged me to relax and eat a bite and call her in about an hour (or sooner
if need be). I got my "Rainbow Relaxation" CD and got into the tub.
That is when things really started moving along. Within minutes of my being in
the tub, I started having an interesting contraction pattern. Every minute and
a half, I would have a longer contraction that started off gradually, peaked,
and then went away like the textbook contractions you hear about in standard
childbirth classes. However, about 30 seconds after that, I would have a
shorter contraction that started off very intense, at peak, and then went away
as quickly as it began. Time distortion really started kicking in at that
point, so I am not real sure how long I actually stayed in the tub. My husband
called my midwife back to let her know about this pattern. Because I had not
eaten, nor had I had much to drink recently, she advised me to get out of the
tub, eat a bite and drink some water, and see what happened. I got out of the
tub and put on some clothes, stopping to kind of sway back and forth and
breathe during contractions. I attempted to eat but that pattern continued on
and the short, intense contractions were getting more and more intense (still
felt like pressure, but more intense). My husband noticed some sort of change
in me in the way I was going inside of myself and focusing on my breath and he
made the decision for us to go to the hospital. He called my midwife and my mom
to let them know to meet us there.
Managing my contractions was more difficult in the car. I
felt over stimulated by the combination of contractions and the motion of the
car. When we were about a mile from the hospital, I started feeling the urge to
"push" when the shorter, intense contractions came. My husband
hurriedly drove to the hospital, parked, and walked me to L&D. (We arrived
at exactly 7:00 PM so really not much time had passed since I started having
contractions in my meeting.) I met a nurse that I know well in the hall and
told her that I was feeling the urge to push. Nurses started scurrying around
in every direction. There was not a triage room ready so they had me change
clothes in one room while they readied another. When I got into a triage bed,
they hooked me up to the monitor and checked my cervix. I was a little more
than 7 cm and almost completely effaced. They started my IV (I was GBS positive
so despite the fact that I didn't want an IV I didn't have much choice) as they
ran through a gamut of questions (which completely annoyed me as I was working
so hard to stay inside myself and relaxed). I am not sure how long I was in
triage when they wheeled me on over to my L&D room (where my mom was
already waiting). I remember waiting for a contraction to pass before my
husband and my mom helped me climb into my L&D bed. At that point I really
felt an urge to push and my nurse checked my cervix to find that I just had a
tiny bit of it left. She encouraged me to relax and go with what my body was
telling me to do. A few minutes later, my midwife arrived. She noticed that I
was sort of bearing down (trying to do "birth breathing"). I was
still having the longer then shorter contraction pattern and my body was
telling me to “push” during the short contractions (which actually felt kind of
good) and gently nudge with downward breaths during the longer ones (which I
continued to follow even though everyone was doing the stereotypical “push
cheer” at me). I was focusing so hard on my baby and my body that much of what
else that was happening around me at the time is very unclear. I do remember
the intense burning sensation when my baby was crowning and I think I still had
some fear left about tearing because I remember not wanting to push or even do
any birth breathing at that time. I asked for a mirror to be able to see my
baby crowning which helped me to release that fear. At some point my midwife
suggested that she break my water. I was so inside myself that I vaguely
remember just nodding my head. I just wanted it all to be over. I remember my
midwife saying that there was meconium, and they called for the NICU, which
scared me, but also motivated me again to focus on my baby and finish bringing
her into the world. My mom said later that she was amazed at how I was
confident in my body and allowing it to do its work. Very soon after that, my
provider asked my husband to come over to help "catch "the baby and
my mom helped me unfasten my gown so that they could place her on my chest, skin-to-skin.
There was such a release of energy when she was born and was placed on my
chest. I cried. My mom cried. My midwife cried. My big tough husband even
cried. Everyone was hugging. It was absolutely amazing. The nurses did need to
suction and inspect my baby within a few minutes of birth since there was
meconium and since I had only had time to get part of one GBS treatment, but
they returned her to me very quickly and we began nursing right away. She
latched on very well almost immediately and took to nursing like a pro. My
husband and I were given some time alone with our baby to bond as a new family.
We both just sat there holding on to one another and looking into the eyes of
our precious baby girl. It was so beautiful; a moment I will never ever forget!
I stopped working to
become a SAHM when Madelynn was almost 3. That next Fall, the Hubs and I
decided to try for another baby, thinking it would take us awhile to become
pregnant. (It had taken almost 4 years, including a miscarriage and some time
off to regroup, to conceive Madelynn.) We were absolutely shocked when we
became pregnant during our first cycle trying. On the morning of June 13th,
2011, I had an appointment with my midwife (the same one that had cared for me
when I was pregnant with Madelynn). By my dates, this was my “due date”. I had
been having contractions off and on for several days and had been having a lot
of pressure but, due to some family emergencies, I had refused all cervical
checks, trying to avoid prompting labor to begin. I decided to go ahead allow a
cervical check at this appointment and was excited to discover that I was “a
good” 4 cms and that my bag of waters was bulging a bit. I went home to
alternate walking/activity with rest to prepare for my baby’s arrival. All day
I had contractions that would vary from 3 minutes to 45 minutes apart.
Occasionally I would have to stop and focus and do some slow breathing through
them, but they really were not painful or regular and they felt different from
the ones I had with my Madelynn so I didn't really expect that we would be
having a baby that day. I sat outside and stuck my feet in the kiddie pool
while Madelynn played and even helped the Hubs write a paper for school. At
about 11:00 PM, just as hubby and I were settling into bed, things began to
feel a little different. I could not get comfortable in my bed and I felt like
I needed to be upright and rocking/moving when a contraction came. Isabella was
not quite posterior but was a bit sideways and so I had a lot of pressure in my
back. I had to really go inside myself and breathe during the contractions and
I decided to get up and rock on my birth ball. While on the ball, I used
imagery of my body smoothly and easily opening. The contractions were now
coming between 3 and 8 minutes apart and I was making very frequent trips to
the bathroom. I was wondering if my bag of waters had ruptured and was leaking
because I would have very intense contractions and pressure in the bathroom and
a lot of fluid would come out. I called my midwife and we decided for me to go
to the hospital to see what was happening. As soon as hubby’s grandparents
arrived to stay with Madelynn at about 11:45 or so, we left for the hospital.
As we neared the hospital, I started having intense contractions that were only
about a minute to two minutes apart and I was feeling a lot of pressure in my
back and rectal area. My midwife met us in L&D at a little after 12:00 AM
and took us to a room off of triage since there were no triage rooms available
(funny how this was the case with my first birth as well lol). She checked my
cervix, which was now about 7 cms, and did a couple of tests to determine if I
was leaking water, which I was not. I walked to my L&D room, used the
restroom where I had a very intense contraction with pressure, and was then
told that I needed to get into the bed to be monitored. I have to say that I
was not thrilled with this idea as I was having so much back and rectal
pressure and was much more comfortable standing, leaning over supported, and
swaying. This is where I now wish I had gone with my instincts and had Isabella
at home. I finally agreed to get into the bed, though I refused to be flat or
to lie on my back. I stayed semi-upright on my left side with my hubby rubbing
and putting counter pressure on my back, doing light touch on my right arm, and
talking quietly to me. Just minutes after I got into the bed, I could feel my
body bearing down with each contraction and the contractions were coming one
after another. I announced that I felt like I was pushing and nurses suddenly
started hurrying in and around the room. I began following my body’s lead and
bearing down with my breath almost continuously since I had no time in between
contractions. I wanted to be upright and squatting, but I did not feel able to
adjust my position due to the contractions coming so fast and being so intense.
I still had a lot of rectal pressure, which is where I felt my baby most as I
was pushing and she was crowning, and then as she was born. I did not have the
burning “ring of fire” that I expected (maybe that is because I spent a lot of
time releasing this fear in my hypnobirthing practice since this was a fear I
had left over from Madelynn's birth). At this point I asked for a mirror so
that I could see my baby come into the world and a nurse went running from the
room to find one (she didn’t make it back with the mirror until Isabella was
already born). It was then that I grabbed my right leg, gave a bigger push than
I had been doing, and my beautiful baby girl was born. I reached down to help
catch her. It was 12:47 AM. I did my best to pull blankets and clothes away so
that Isabella could rest directly on my skin on my abdomen to wait for the
chord to stop pulsating. She was so perfect and looked just like her big
sister. Once daddy cut the chord and I got her snuggled on my chest skin to
skin with warming blankets on top, we were really able to meet one another in
person, and nurse a little as the placenta was delivered and I received a
stitch for a small tear. Isabella weighed 7 lbs 12 oz and was 19 ½ inches long.
While I will say that since my labor was so incredibly fast this time, I did
not have the “serene”hypnobirth that you see on TV (though it might have been a
little different had I had a home birth and/or water birth). Hypnobirthing did
help me feel confident about my birth and remain relaxed and positive
throughout. It also gave me the tools for breathing correctly and effectively,
visualizing my body opening, and using mother-directed “pushing” to both
support my baby’s birth and my body's ability to do its work. It really
supported me all through that day since my body was likely working when i
didn't even realize it. It was another amazing experience that has left me feeling
strong and empowered!
People are often
amazed at the level of detail in which I remember my birth experiences. I am
often amazed myself because, at the time, I was so inside of myself that
everything else seemed like a fuzzy dream. I think that this is part of the
beauty of hypnobirthing. I am also still so amazed at the power of the
"fear release" visualization. Not only did I have no trauma
flashbacks - not even a stray thought - in either of my births, but I also felt
exactly how I claimed I wanted to feel and labored for exactly the length of
time (or less) than I claimed. I admit that this could very well have happened
on its own, without the "fear release" exercise, but it seems an
awesome coincidence.
So
if you have read all of this, thanks for indulging me! If you are pregnant or
planning a pregnancy at some point in the future, I hope this inspires you. I
am the girl that often faints when getting blood drawn, but I was able to birth
two perfect little girls without anything but the power of my own body!
Blessings to all!.