It has taken several days for me to be able to pull any coherent thoughts together about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT. I have cried more about the deaths and heroism of these strangers than I have about too much else, ever. I have wondered, with so many mass shootings these days, what it is about this one that has so deeply touched me (and it is really sad that mass shootings have become "just another thing" in our lives). For me, the reason is quite simple really. I'm a mother. Not just any mother, but a mother to an almost 6 year-old girl. When I heard the news of this tragedy last Friday, I immediately pictured the precious face of my daughter and the faces of her classmates, how innocent and defenseless they really are to this world. I imagined how terrified those children must have been, how some must have frozen in fear, some must have ran and hid, and some must have tried to help their friends and/or fight. I can clearly imagine those things because I know first-hand about children that age. I know exactly how a child that age looks, acts, and even smells! I immediately thought about the parents of those children, the fear and panic and pain. How, as a parent, could one face another day, much less even think about celebrating Christmas, after something like this. I immediately wanted to speed to my daughter's school, pull her out, and never let her go back; to move to some remote island and keep my children in a bubble where they could never get hurt in any way. If I'm honest, I even immediately briefly wondered about God - where was He when this happened? How in the world could He let this happen to those precious babies and the loving and brave faculty who died protecting them? The thing is, though, that this world is really, really broken and there are so many things here that we do not, and can not, understand. We, myself included, forget that millions of children and teachers made it home safe Friday, praise God! I know that God was there crying right alongside of those families in CT, and all of us. I know that He was there to welcome all of those sweet angels into heaven - that they never, ever have to be afraid again. I certainly am not wise enough to understand or be able to explain why these things happen. I know it brings little comfort to those families, but perhaps those people, the children included, were already so perfectly prepared for heaven that any more time on earth would have been an unnecessary waste for them. We really are not made for this world. Perhaps there is something bigger and better that their families are supposed to do as a result of all of this. I don't know. Every time I see a picture or hear a story about one of those precious lives, I can't help but feel sad and angry and wonder what has become of us.
What gives me hope is, not only my faith, but the innocent joy in my daughters' eyes; the curiosity, the excitement, the love, the will to experience life to the fullest and make a difference. I pray that I am raising daughters who have a cautious, yet confident fearlessness. I pray that Madelynn continues to be so in tune with her spirituality that she always knows that "God is everywhere and He will protect me", just as she reminded me on Monday morning when I was feeling anxious about taking her to school. I pray that God will wrap His loving and healing arms around everyone involved with this tragedy in CT. I pray that this world wakes up and makes the necessary changes so that nothing like this will ever happen again.
Rest in Peace precious children and faculty of Sandy Hook. I know I will never forget any of you.
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